Pain of the mind
by PpinstripeE
Summary: Natsuo wants to feel pain and he wants to feel pleasure...will youji help him stop cutting? will their relationship grow? YOUJI X NATSUO mentioning of SOUBI X RITSUKA Rated M for language, blood , cutting ,dark moods, hospital themes and sex later on ;
1. Chapter 1: Crimson

Pinstripe:this is a very angsty one be warned!

Alois: Pinny just go to the story

Pinstipe:DON"T CALL ME PINNY!

Alois: fine fine fine I'll call you little whore

Pinstripe:-_- ::DISCLAIMER:: I DO NOT OWN LOVELESS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS

* * *

><p>The crimson blood dripped onto the tiles of Soubi's bathroom floor. The blood slid down my pale wrist.<p>

Youji tells me to stop hurting myself, but...how is it hurting myself when I feel no pain? I wish I had pain...it's a signal that you're alive just like soubi said. I looked at the marks on my arm the I cut my self. The English letters spelt out my name, my true name.

**_ZERO_**

I was crying in the corner next to the bathtub...It may not physically hurt but, it does hurt...in my heart...in my mind...in my soul...

I was about midnight, I think, in my eyes the full moon looked as blood as my curly long hair. Soubi and Youji are sound asleep in their beds."W-Why...why can't I be normal? Why can't I feel pain?" My blood mixed with the salty tears on the floor. The knife I stole fro the kitchen glistened with my blood. It would be nice once say "ouch" or "man that hurts." My purr white nightgown was now stained. With my stronger arm I tightened my tan eyepatch.

I was feeling faint, my tail twitching. I head the door click. "NATSUO!" The blood loss was getting to be too much. "Y-Youji." I felt my vision going black, blacker then Ritsukas soft hair.

"NATSUO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" I felt him picking up my limp body. Picking me up? I had fallen? "Natsuo stay with me! Don't close your eyes!" His long green hair floated upon my skin. "N-Natsuo." He sounded like he was crying. Was he feeling pain right now? Pain in his heart? Like me?

I felt tears other than my own hit my face.

"Youji stay with me." My voice was shaky. "Hold on Natsuo, I'll be right back." He kissed my forehead with shaking lips. I felt being gently laid onto the tiles, I heard what sounded like a cabinet opening. Something that felt thin was being rapped around my arm. "This will stop the bleeding Natso-chan.""Y-Youji.""Yes?"" It didn't hurt."

I heard him sob more, why cry for me?-

I heard water running.

I felt the cloth of my nightgown sliding off my skin. I grimaced at touching the sticky blood on the hard floor, which was soon replaced by water... I wonder if it was hot... I felt his hands washing the matts of blood mixed in my hair,ears and tail. His hands felt soothing his nails slightly scratching my scalp.

I felt water flow over my head slowly, I peeked open my eyes, I saw suds dripping down my chest.

"Sit up Natsuo." I lifted my head off the porcelain edge of the bathtub. He grabbed a white bar of soap and scrubbed my back. "MmmM...t-that feels nice." I felt the bar of soap rub upon my chest and arms. A wet cloth cleansed my face. I opened my eyes again,the water in the bath was slightly stained with my blood making the water look slightly red. Youji took the plug out letting the water drain . He used a towel to mop up the blood. He grabbed another towel and rapped it around my body.

His arms lifted and surrounded me.

He kissed my forehead. "Never scare me like that again."I'm sorry Youji, I-I-I wanted to see if once...it would hurt...but it didnt..." I felt horrible, i'm his fighter, I should be the one taking care of him,fighting for him.

He set me down on our shared bed, my naked body slipped out of the towel and onto the bed. The sheets crinkled, my head dented the blush pillow. I don't remember Youji changing me but, i felt pants rub upon my thighs. "Im so sorry Youji." I grasped his hand. "So sorry.""You have nothing to be sorry about.""Yes I do! I'm your fighter! I'm supposed to take care of you!" My voice trembled.

He squeezed my hand and laid down next to me, raping his arm around my naked waist.

I broke down crying. "Shhhh...its ok Natsuo ...i'm here." He softly stroked my kitten ears. "Natsuo we are zero nothing can hurt us." Except ourselves..." I said glumly as i rested my head on his chest, tears leaking from the corner of my eye.

He held up my hand and examined them. "Blood, blood is on your fingers."

I did see a few red stains on my fingers but, it was nothing to fuss about. He kissed my fingers before licking the blood of, a small blush rose to my pale cheeks, It was faint but red enough to match the color of my hair. "Y-Youji" His green ears flattened on his head. "Sleep Natsuo sleep."

My eyes fluttered close I felt my body slowly falling into a world of dreams, but before I fell asleep, unless it was my imagination, I swear I could hear a faint voice say. "I'll love you always."

* * *

><p>Pinstripe:awh<p>

Alois:needs mor esx

Pinstripe:oh shut up anyway review

-chu


	2. Chapter 2: I love you

Pinstripe:SO SO SO many reviews! a thank you will be at the end of this chapter! 3 thank you all i never expected such a responce!

Alois:I think i should be in it!

Pinstripe:NO your not in loveless!your not in any anime!

Alois: killjoy...

Pinstripe: well enjoy! XX WARNING: I DO NO OWN LOVELESS OR ANY LOVELESS CHARACTERS XX

* * *

><p>"What happened to your arm Natsuo?" Soubi asked sipping his black coffee. "Oh um... I fell down the fire escape and scraped my arm...yeah...that's it.."" Mmhhm." He raised an eyebrow looking suspicious, but insteadof asking questions he just took another sip of coffee.<p>

"I'm leaving to wait for Ritsuka outside of his school...It's Saturday so they get out at noon...I'll be back soon." He put the coffee cup in the sink, before giving us a 'Don't into any trouble' look and leaving through the apartment door.

"Yeah that it?" Youji started laughing his ass off. "Are you trying to make him suspicious of us? Thank god he left before you could open your big mouth again."

He stopped laughing and got a mischievous grin. "Wanna follow him Natsuo?" "We might get in trouble since we skipped school, but sure, got nothing better to do..." I smirked along with him. We tip toed very carefully behind Soubi, we hid behind lampposts, trashcans, street signs etc... until we finally reached the school.

He waited for about 10 minutes before Ritsuka came out, With a pink haired girl that was in our class a few years ago who hugged him then skipped away.

Soubi talked to Ritsuka for a minute before walking down the sidewalk and into the park."Damnit, Natsuo hurry or we'll lose them."

We looked around the park for like a whole hour. "Gir we lost them Youji...""N-Natsuo...""What?" I turned around and o saw Soubi kissing up and down Ritsukas neck, nipping, biting, even licking. Ritsuka was making cat-like whimpers,moans and mews.

"S-Soubi that feels nice..."

Youji and I looked at each other with eyes as wide as saucers then looked back. Thank god they were in a closed off area or else they might get in trouble.

Ritsuka and Soubi fell to the ground, soubi had him pinned against the mostly dead grass and leaves.

"Are you sure you want this Ritsuka?" Ritsuka nodded and blushed. "It's an order." I had to say something to Youji, But as I turned I noticed he was staring at me with a blush on his face, Which made one spread across my cheeks.

I shook my head and looked at him again.

"Youji I know Ritsuka's in his 9th year and is 15 but I don't think he's old enough to lose his ears." "Let's just go If something happens I don't want to see it happen."

]He grabbed my hand and sprinted out the park. He yanked and pulled me all the way back to Soubis's place.

"Youji! Whats wrong with you! You've been acting weird since last night!" He looked slightly upset, His green ears flattened on his head and he clutched the teddy bear he had been holding. "Can we just take a bath and forget about this?" I nodded and we went hand in hand into the appartment.

For some reason Youji wanted to take a separate bath. He walked out the bathroom, wet hair clinging to his shoulders,back and chest. The only thing covering him up was an old pair of loose jeans Soubi had given him.

I couldn't stop staring I had to admit he looked pretty damn hot.

"Could you cover up your arm p-please?" he painfully looked at my self-inflicted scars.

"Youji, why do you care about me? Why don't you Yell at me when I do a bad job as a fighter!Why?"" Because Natso-chan..." His bangs covered his eyes. "Because I...I...I...I love you." I stood up walking towards him rapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

He kissed back, the kiss was gentle, like a rose petal brushing against my lips, as he rapped his arms around my waist his wet hair and body clung to mine.

His mouth slightly opened slightly allowing me to timidly slide my tongue into his mouth. He gently sucked on my tongue. We both jumped and separated when the door squeaked open, and a now wide-eyed, red-faced and earless Ritsuka walked in with a satisfied looking Soubi.

"Why were you two kissing?""That's not important." I said putting a hand on my hip. " The real question is why is Ritsuka-kun earless?"

Ritsuka blushed more leaning into Soubi's lower chest, even at his age still being alot shorter than Soubi. " Isn't it obvious? My sacrifice gave me an order and I had to oblige." he lowered his head nipping Ritsukas ear. "Even though he didn't have to ask or order."

Youji smirked as he rapped an arm around my waist. "Whores." everyone laughed even Ritsuka pulled a smile.

And i pulled a plastic smile, It hurts to smile...a hurt without pain

* * *

><p>Pinstripe: Oh i've had fun with this one 3<p>

Alois:two syllables BO-NER

Pinstripe:whore -rolls eyes- anyway thank you : clueLESS, Honey Leo, theOneWhoCounts, FunkyFoxxxy-chan, FanaticPhobia-chan, HuntedWoodsCircus, 0Music0O0Life0, CoffeeADDictedKitty, ButterflyMarquiS, The Colourful Syndrome, Keira-sama, and xxxMatryoshikaxxx, XXXXXX please review again XXXXXXX and ButterflyMarquiS thank you for correcting me ^^

-chu


	3. Chapter 3: Scared

Pinstripe:thanks for reviewing yall!

Alois: I SHALL BUTTRAPE YOU ALL MUHAHAHAH! -Pinstripe ties up Alois- HEY! -puts ducktape over his mouth-locks in closet-

Pinstripe:anyway this one may be a little shorter than the others i dont know but im really having fun with this

Alois:mph sskhdheuuo! hsks! (translation: let me out you psychotic bitch! now!

Pinstripe:this chapter is to be more cute then angst and CoffeeADDictedKitty im putting kio in there just for you ^^

XX DISCLAIMER:: I DO NOT OWN LOVELESS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERSXX

* * *

><p>I snuggled against his chest,holding my stuffed rabbit, Yue , that Youji gave to me, tightly in my arms.<p>

"So what movie are we watching?" Youji asked looking bored playing with his long lime hair. "Does it have any explosives? or car crashes?"I asked jumping up and down on the tan couch. "No action movies...but I have a horror and a Romance movie.."Soubi said holding up two DVDs.

"Umm one is an american movie called "_The Exorcist" _I've never watched it but I think it looks too scary for Ritsuka...I think we shoul watch-" "Soubi! Stop treating me like a child! We're watching it!" Youji and I grinned, we didnt want to watch some dumb romance movie, anyway how scary could the horror movie be?

"I advise against it, but if its what my Ritsuka wants..." He slowly pushed the DVD in before sitting on the couch, putting his hair up in a ponytail before rapping his arms around Ritsuka.

"Don't be a killjoy Soubi, its just a stupid american horror movie and the DVD cover says its from 1973 the affects probably suck and will turn it into a comedy!" I commented trying to convince Soubi a little more. "Besides, It cant be that scary can it?

* * *

><p>"AHH!" I hid in Youjis shirt while we hugged each other, us both scared half to death. Me clinging to Youji and my pink stuffed rabbit for dear life.<p>

You could see Ritsuka in a little whimpering ball in Soubis arm clutching his shirt tightly with one hand then other hand had long since pulled Soubis hair out of his ponytail.

"Y-Youji...I'm scared..." "I told you two...not scary huh?" Soubi didn't look the least bit frightened, he almost looked smug at us all being afraid.

"Sh-Sh-Shutup!" Youji said hugging me closer. This movie was way too scary! I can't believe they actually made this movie! It's sick and twisted and not in a good way! I screamed as the possessed girl stabbed her crotch multiple times and shoved her mothers face into it ,blood everywhere, this is disgusting!

Youji moved his lips to my ear to whisper. "Natsuo, shhhh It's alright." I could tell he was shaking too because his voice trembled, I looked up from his chest,tears plastered Ritsukas face. " I DON'T WANT TO WATCH THIS MOVIE ANYMORE!" Ritsuka screamed gripping Soubis shirt, poor thing he seemed to be the most scared out of all of us.

Soubi kissed his forehead lightly . "Shhhhh we'll change it, calm down Ritsuka." He rubbed Ritsukas back and whispered into his ear comfortingly.

"Youji change it to that romance movie '_Forbidden love__' _(hehe made up movie + cheesy title)...imediantly!" Youji bolted up running over to the T.V only to trip and hit his head on the DVD player, of course it didn't affect him, he just stood up and changed the DVD.

A screen with pink flowers and two guys holding hands, well at least this was a Japanese movie.

"A s-shonen -ai?" Ritsuka asked wiping the tears off his face. "Ritsuka?" Soubi asked raising an eyebrow. "How do you know what a shonen-ai is unless you've watched them?" Soubi looked half amused half mad, Ritsuka blushed a deeper red then my hair.

Youji sat back down as the movie started, I laid my head upon his chest, hoping to forget about that scary movie. Although this movie is gonna end up corny...

* * *

><p>Corny or not I was happy, Youji squeezed my hand tight, lightly kissing my neck as he pulled me into his lap, he was being so affectionate i didn't even know what the movie was about, something about two guys named '<em>Hiro' <em>and '_Ryuzaki' _are in love and are separated or something.

Over on the other tan couch Ristuka and Soubi where having a more heated moment. Ritsuka's legs were rapped about Soubis waist, You could see in the small gap between their mouths Soubi sucking on the ravens tongue, His hand going up Ritsukas light green tee-shirt .

Youji licked the shell of my ear. "Jealous of them? You keep staring at those two." He grabbed my chin so I would look directly at him.

"I thought you would rather go really slow...the slower the better..." He captured my lips,at first going soft and slow, then he began sucking on my upper lip. He bit my lip softly, he moved his lips down kissing across my jaw before he started sucking on my neck.

"Ahem..." Soubi interrupted. "I think if we continue our actions , it should be later on... not now..." I sighed settling back on Youjis lap.

I rested my elbow upon the table between the couches,then I heard a clank, I turned and saw i had spilled a drink all over Ritsukas chest. "Oops..." Ritsuka gave me daggers. Soubi sighed. "Just take off your shirt problem solved..." Ritsuka pulled his shirt over his head putting it on the floor. "Soubi it got on you too." Youji pointed out. The Blonde started unbutton his pants. "You all don't mind do you?"

We shrugged, we didn't care,so with that he stripped off his pants and was left in his boxers.

After 15 minutes i started to find the movie boring, The guys in the movie were holding hands sitting on the beach ' _I want to be with you forever Ryuzaki' ' but its not right...its against our parents...' _ God is this movie made of cheese?

Ritsuka had fallen asleep,his head on Soubi's lap, I felt my eyes growing heavy I yawned , Youji was already asleep his head resting on mine. And i felt myself slowly drifting to sleep...

* * *

><p>"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" I was awoken by a loud screeching noise. "WHERE ARE RITSUKAS EARS?" Just who i thought it was...Kio.<p>

I opened my eyes to Kio Slapping and hitting Soubi and yelling loudly. "PEDOPHILE! PERVERT! YOU TOOK THAT 15 YEAR OLDS INNOCENCE! YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED YOU PERVERT!" Soubi responded simply. "Kio i'm not i pervert, i was following orders...and with how adorable he is if i had it my way i would have taken him the day i met him..." "BUT YOU ALSO DID IT IN FRONT OF THEM!" kio pointed towards us.

"No Ritsuka lost his ears two days ago...""THEN YOU DID IT AGAIN!" "No, why do you say that?" "HIS FRICKEN SHIRTS OFF ND YOUR PANTS ARE OFF!"

I now had a headache "Stop yelling" Youji complained "Natsuo pilled a drink ok? Stop over reacting.." Kio finally calmed down. "Anyway." Ritsuka said. "I don't care because it was Soubi..." Now Kio was eyeing us. "now what about you two?" he looked like he was assessing the situation. "Hicky...sitting on lap...cuddling...YOU TWO TOO?"

Kio fainted falling onto the hardwood floor, Soubi rolled his eyes.

Youji and I laughed so hard we fell off the sofa. Times like this are fun and good...but why is my heart still hurting?

* * *

><p>Pinstipe: awhh i loved making this and next chapter heheheheh lemon<p>

Alois:hehdduu! jjijijis djdie sjiw d deihie d fhfei vniyjgjv ffc( translation: HELP! im still tied up and now im horny and can't jack off!)

Pinstripe: Anyway I feel horrible for doing that to them with the movie but it was too cute to resist...

and yes thank you for reviewing: CoffeeADDictedKitty, FunkyFoxxxy-chan, clueLESS, xxxMatryoshikaxxx, FanaticPhobia-chan and ButterflyMarquiS.

-chu


	4. Chapter 4: dieing love

Pinstripe:hello my fanboys and fangirls this is the lemon but no it is NOT OVER i feel at least 1 or 2 more chapters coming on...and sorry i havent been typing up ive been sick

Alois:yay! more cock!

Pinstripe:do i have to tie you up again?

Alois:pretty please!

Pinstripe:-_- XX DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LOVELESS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS XX

* * *

><p>I can't believe I did it again...not nearly as much blood as last time but...I know Youjis gonna be upset still...<p>

The kitchen knife was covered with my crimson blood, I was careful not to make a mess this time. I took the blade to my porcelain skin and cut slowly into my left wrist, the dark red staining my perfect skin. I could never describe how it felt the knife slicing into me, I cut deeper...why can't I feel it? why?...the blood spilled onto the black towel I had put under my arm.

I've ever cut this deep before...

I might as well face it...it'll never hurt...i wonder what being hurt feels like...

I rapped up my cuts even though they probably needed stitches, I cleaned off the knife with the towel then threw the towel in the trash . I'm starting to feel dizzy i should lay down... the light green sheets of me and my lovers bed swallowed me up as well as the black comforter...the pillows were so fluffy my head sunk into them.

I snuggled Yue into my arms, im glad Youji gave her to me shes a great comfort toy.

3:36...3:37...3:38...The clock numbers glowed neon blue, Youjis dead asleep, his chest going up and down as I listen to his heartbeat, his arms rap around my slender back. I kissed the lower part of his neck. We're boyfriends now i guess... and now i have the undeniable urge to give him pleasure.

But can we feel pleasure? I mean we dont feel pain...can someone feel pleasure without pain?

"Natsuo...I can't sleep..." Youji said opening his eyes and tightening his grip around me. "Well would you like me to entertain you?" I asked blinking up at him. He pushed up my nightgown rubbing my thighs.

"Entertain me." his lips found the nape of my neck as well as his teeth. He ripped off the black pajama shirt he was wearing, his muscles were so defined. He ghosted his hand up my chest and kissed me as he tweaked my hardening nipple.

"Y-Youji ...we cant't feel pain...can we feel pleasure?" He kissed my lips full of reassurance, his body hovering above mine, my arms pinned above my head.

"It's certainly worth a try." He licked down my neck leaving a wet trail as i gasped.

"W-What if we wake up Soubi and Ritsuka?" I whimpered. "...he is sleeping over." "Give'm a show." My nightgown slipped over my shoulders, He licked down my chest playing with the strap of my light blue boxers. He open mouthedly kissed my stomach before rubbing the growing tent in my pants

"Hard already Natsuo?" He smirked " I expected better of you." He gripped the bothersome material with his teeth, I shook with anticipation.

He tugged the cloth to my ankle revealing my raging hard member. He slowly stroked me, I moaned loudly. "Why so cruel baby?" I asked shaking. " I need you to beg its no fun without begging..." He slowly licked the tip of the head, dipping his pink tongue into the slit.

I threw my head back into the pillows. "P-Pleas Youji." "You'll have to beg better than that..." He gently rubbed the base.

"...please...suck me..." As i said that he grinned with delight.

"My pleasure." He licked it from base to tip, pressing his tongue against all the sensitive areas. He took it fully into his mouth. "Y-Youji..""MmmmmMmm." He hummed onto my erection, sucking then removing his lips to suck on the side. He kissed the base tenderly making me buck my hips.

AS he look me into his mouth again i felt something pooling at the bottom of my stomach. "Youji Im about to ahh-!"

I came in his mouth, it dripped out of the corners of his lips, his swallowed it with a satisfied smirk. "Tasty." He licked his lips. He pushed me onto the floor then up against the wall,pinning me in between his arms.

He rested his forehead against mine."Ready Natsuo?" He kissed my lips soft and tenderly, I tasted myself on his lips. I nodded. "I really do love you.." He said kissing my cheek, His hair brushing against my skin. " I know you do...But i love you more." I challenged "We'll see about that."

He slipped his pajama bottoms off his slender legs. I could now see his obvious hard on, he rubbing my re-hardening member.

"Am I that hot Natsuo?" He chuckled "No." I pouted "You're that sexy.." I Rapped a leg around his waist,him still standing up, making him shiver. I tugged his boxers off, his length as I already knew was much bigger than mine.

"Do you want me to prepare you?" He asked rubbing my thighs lovingly.

"You know you can't hurt me..."

He looked upset at my words. "I know..." He tenderly kissed my lips. "Fuck me hard Youji."I whispered into his neko ear, nipping at it. He chuckled before licking his lips. " Of course you sexy bitch." I felt his throbbing length push at my tight entrance and slowly go in, i rapped my legs around him to help him a bit.

He grunted slightly before repeating his actions going in and out,in and out, he sped up, then he- oh good lord!

"YOUJI! Hit there again! OH OH! HARDER YOUJI!" he smirked at my begging. "Oh right here?" He thrusted again purposely hitting my prostate. I was feeling more light headed by the second, i saw the blood seeping through my bandages and dripping onto Youji's back making it look like he was sweating blood.

He turned so his back was against the wall and leaned back so i could ride him, i tightened my grip around his waist.

My visions going black, but i have to finish this...for him...

I lifted my hips and slid onto his cock while grabbing my erection and jerking. I bounced up and down on his cock untill...

"Y-Y-YOUJI!" i threw my head back holding on by his shoulders as blood drips from my arms, i felt my walls tightening around his throbbing member as i released my warm sticky liquid all over my hand and our chests.

He thrusted into me against to the very hilt making me whimper at the strange feeling, before he came his warm liquid filling me.

I fell to the floor my vision was gone...my arms...i cant move them...i cant move my whole body...i only feel the stickyness of my blood...i hear nothing except for the calling of my name followed by Soubi's...

What

have

I

done?

* * *

><p>Pinstripe; this has left me off in a dark mood...im only going to shout out to the reviews...poor Natsuo :'(<p>

-Alois crying in corner-

Pinstripe: thanks for reviewing, theOneWhoCounts, The Colourful Syndrome, xxxMatryoshikaxxx, 0Music0O0Life0, clueLESS , Keira-sama, Honey Leo, FunkyFoxxxy-chan, HuntedWoodsCircus, FanaticPhobia-chan, CoffeeADDictedKitty, Lucy, and PRIDEtheARROGANT

and guys sorry it took me a while ive been feeling really sick lately

-chu


	5. Chapter 5: blind love

Pinstripe:Hi guys! thanks for all the review but if you think i should do anything or change anything or any ideas i want your opinion!

Alois:I'm still sad from last chapter... :'(

Pinstripe:Well at least you got your damn lemon!

Alois:true...thanxs bitch! -Glomps Pinstripe-

Pinstripe:Get off me! anyway...Hospital theme...

XXDISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LOVELESS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS XX

* * *

><p><strong>Youji's P.O.V<strong>

This isen't happening...It can't happen... not to Natsuo...My innocent little Natsuo...

"Youji you need to calm down I'm sure it's not serious..." How could Soubi sound so calm? Who knows whats wrong with him? He fainted and all the blood oh god all the blood his arms were dripping... and the deep cuts...

White... everything in the hospital is so white... the halls...the shiny floors... the waiting room i'm sitting in... the doctors coats...the nurses outfits...the chairs Ritsuka and soubi are sitting in.

White, like the bone I saw covered in blood and surrounded by Natsuo's flesh.

I'm so scared...

I haven't seen so much blood since...

_"AHHHH! AHH!" Where am I? who am I? Who's this red headed boy beside me? W-W-What's this? Sticky red stuff all over my body... all over the other boy too and the floor... and all over that woman with the green-blue hairs hands. What is this stuff? It scares me... why is it everywhere? It's glistening... It's creepy it smells werid I don't like it. It's coming out of me? Seeping out my body? I brought it up to my mouth, it tastes..._

I blinked my eyes trying to get rid of the horrific memory.

More white, white everywhere... I'm pacing back and forth and back and forth.

Everything...

Anything...

Could go wrong...

This could all be my fault, I should be watching him more...taking care of him...what if i never see him again? I love him...too much...

I shouldn't jump to conclusions, he'll be alright, He has to be alright...If He's not alright...I'll...I'll kill myself!

"Youji-kun...You're crying..." Ritsuka broke me out of my trance.

Crying? I am? I am...

A tear dripped onto my black pajama shirt and it went down past the broken buttons until it dripped onto my chest.

We've been waiting here for four hours... It feels like years...

In all this time i've cried who knows how many times?

Please be alright Natsuo...please...

"Soubi...I love him...what...what if he dies?" Soubi sighed before standing up and raising his hand up. I felt his hand hit my face, It didn't hurt, but I didn't expect him to hit me so, I was shocked.

"Stop it, Natsuo will be alright he's a strong fighter, He wouldn't give up on life so easily."

I had to listen to Soubi's words or this'll end up killing me.

"Agatsuma-san? and Sagan-san?" A short Brown haired plain but very young nurse who still had her ears called Soubi and I's name. "Sagan Natsuo Is unconsious but the doctor would like you two to come up to his room and for Agatsuma-san to have word with the doctor, the one with his ears will have to stay... come along."

Oh yea...thats right...Ritsukas been wearing fake ears...and I don't have ears anymore...

The mousy looking nurse took us up to a room, Soubi covered my eyes before we left the elevator until we got in the room, I wonder why? He's a father figure to me but i don't think he would care about me seeing something in a hospital.

When he moved his hand I was in hospital room, more white, Natsuo's red hair was flowing onto a pillow, Stitches covered his arms which were stained crimson.

"Natsuo!" I ran over to his side, I kissed his forehead lightly. He had a bandage rapped round his head since he hit it pretty hard when he fainted.

"Be careful of his stitches and his head wound." A doctor who was maybe about 40 years old with thinning black hair stood near the door. "Please stay in here Sagan-san, I need to talk to your guardian Agatsuma-san alone..."

Natsuo looked so calm, slowly breathing, like nothing had happened at all.

I walked over to the wooden door and put my ear up to it to listen to the doctor.

"You can call me doctor Takahashi, so Agatsuma-san, Sagan Natsuo is your adopted son correct?" "Correct..." "Well, I will tell you this right now Sagan-san is in life-threatening condition." What? What's wrong with Natsuo! I have to keep listening.

"He lost alot of blood, his heart rate is low and it seems his blood has been poisoned." "How was his blood poisoned?" Soubi sounded so calm.

"He has infections in all his wounds, we can't stop the infections but we can help." "How exactly?" " Well he has two choices, we can cut off his arms so it doesn't affect the rest of his body or... we could have a blood transplant... and theres also a chance he's gone..." I pushed against the door and fell into the hallway.

"Youji, you shouldn't have been listening." Soubi scolded me.

"But I had to! I love Natsuo! and I'm not a little kid! I'm 15! I have the right to know if he's alright!"

I felt the tears streaming down my face.

"Sagan-san, Your guardian and I will continue this elsewhere your not emotionally stable enough to hear all of this." The doctor said as he took Soubi into another room.

I walked back over to Natsuo's hospital bed and laid my head beside his sitting on the side table.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't take care of you Natsuo...I love you...I love you so much..."

"Y-Y-Youji?" His visible green eye opened. "Natsuo your awake!" Thank god. "Y-Y-Youji I- I can't see..." what? what did he mean? "My eye...I can't see out of it."

Wait didn't doctor Takahashi say ' ..._there's also a chance he's gone...'_

He's blind..

He's gone blind.

"It's alright...You'll be fine Natsuo..."

I kissed his lips gently, his lips pressed back slightly, I had to be extra careful...He's so delicate now.

"Youji...our ears are gone now..." He half smiled weakly. "I bet you look cute without them..." "No trust me your the cute one." At the moment I was glad he was blind...so He couldn't see me cry...

His eyes closed again, I squeezed his bandaged hand lightly.

"Natsuo..."

He'll survive

He has too...

* * *

><p>Pinstripe: I think this chapter is freakin awesome sad but good<p>

Alois: But why'd you have to blind him pinny?

Pinstripe:because i did!

Thanks for reviewing:: PRIDEtheARROGANT, FunkyFoxxxy-chan, CoffeeADDictedKitty, theOneWhoCounts, FanaticPhobia-chan, 0Music0O0Life0, xxxMatryoshikaxxx, Keira-sama, ButterflyMarquiS, The∞Colourful∞Syndrom, HuntedWoodsCircus, clueLESS, Honey Leo and lucy

thanks for all the support and 0Music0O0Life0: I do love the zero's them not feeling pain fascinates me.

-chu


	6. Chapter 6: Mentally Hysteric

Pinstripe:Oh thank you thank you thank for all the reviews !

Alois:It's not that great... -Neko ear twitches-

Pinstripe:Your just mad because I won't make a threesome with you and the zero boys...

Alois:PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME PINNY!

-Pinstripe rolls eyes-

XX DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LOVELESS OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS XX

* * *

><p>Natuo's P.O.V<p>

It's so so so dark...

I don't know what's going on anymore, Ritsuka tells me nothing, Soubi Tells me nothing, The doctors tell me nothing. Not even Youji...

All I know is I can barely move my arms...It stings to even lift them like my arms are on fire...stinging in an eternal flame yet It doesn't hurt it's more like an nuisance...I also know I can't see, My remaining eye has gone completely blind... all I see is shapes so when someone walks in front of me I don't even know who it is...

I hate this

But it's my own fucking fault...

It's so boring like life Is now blank, Life has no time,

No end,

Hours feel like days,

Minutes feel like hours.

I feel everything better now, still no pain, but my sheets feel softer, The air smells fresher, Youji's kisses more elegant like a bottle of fine champagne.

My heart beats so slow, it pressures my chest with every beat.

My head throbs, It's bruised badly.

I feel so weak, Youji has to spoon me my food, he dresses me, brushes my hair and teeth, he reads to me, describes what's happening on T.V . He hasen't left my side for the two days I've been here acccept for to take quick showers, He helps me with my baths too. He says he won't let a nurse touch me.

The darkness is so lonesome... especially when Youji's not comforting me.

When he's asleep I go into thoes deep dark thoughts that I don't want to go into.

I wake up in the night screaming. My dreams are full of horrific things that...that it pains to even discribe... But it all reminds me of the night so many years ago... but no need to go in the past I'm upset as it is..

"Natsuo..." I felt a hand stroke my cheek soothingly. "Natsuo, are you feeling alright?" I shook my head no. I felt his lips meekly press against mine, his hair rubbing against my shoulders, tickling my neck.

I pressed back stretching my neck a bit,letting my tongue go into his mouth, his tongue rapped around mine, he held my head up fingers tangling in my hair pulling at my scalp.

Our lips unlocked, he kissed my chin, trailing kisses to my ear, nipping the lobe between his teeth. He flicked the shell with his tongue, trailing the tongue down to my neck, His saliva trailing down to my collar bone, I was quivering, All I could do was move my lips the rest of me was limp.

"A-A-ah Y-Y-Youji..." I started to breath hard, My heart meter was beeping more and more as my heart raced.

His teeth pinched at the sensitive skin of my neck. "Natsuo, You're not well enough for us to have sex..." I blushed at what he had just said, I didn't like talking about...that stuff.. unless it was a joke... talking about it realistically is em-embarrassing.

My cock was throbbing pushing against my hospital gown.

"Y-Y-Youji..." I said with a faint voice.

"But I can still do something for you..."I felt the touch of his hand on the edge of my gown, pushing the fabric up as his hand went up as well. I gasped as his fingers reached into my boxers and stroked me gently.

"Nya!" I trying to thrust my hips upward with no avail.

His fingers teased the slit, I had shivers go up my spine. He squeezed my hard on still teasing me. He kissed and sucked at my neck as he worked those hands. Nails scraping against my hardness.

He jerked at it, his other hand fingering my entrance.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah" I squeaked. "Youji! Youji! ah! Ngh-"

I felt his smirk against my neck.

"YOUJI!" His finger reached my sweet spot, My cock was throbbing harder and harder, my heart rate accelerating.

I felt a familiar feeling at the bottom of my stomach.

"YOUJI I'M GONNA-" My semen went all over his hand and stained my underwear.

His hand pulled up my now soiled boxers as he removed his hand from my tight entrance. I heard a sucking sound so I take it he was licking my cum off of his hand. "Natsuo...You make the cutest face when you cum..." He kissed the side of my neck lovingly.

He nuzzled my neck, I closed my eyes now being tired.

His arm rested on my waist, I tilted my head slightly to lean on his.

"Sleep my love..." He stroked my red hair.

I waited in the silent room, listening to Youji's breathing until...

Sleep took over my ILL body.

* * *

><p>Youji's P.O.V<p>

The light is too bright as I open my eyes. damn the guy next door is screaming again I wonder why'd there would be screaming people at 5 in the morning?

Natsuo's heartbeat is so weak. I feel it thumping against my head, his scarred arms resting on my back.

I sat up slowly so not to disturb his sleep. I kissed his forehead then got up, then stretched. Hmm The clock says its 5:06 so maybe I can walk around in the hallways while Natsuo's asleep He sleeps most of the day and night so I'll be back before he wakes up.

Soubis asleep on the large sofa in the corner of the room, with Ritsuka snuggling on top of him also asleep his fake ears falling off.

I tiptoe out not to disturb anyone.

Hm...I dont see anyone walking in the hall...

A gurney was off to the side, no pictures on the walls, no windows, more white.

I walked and walked, numbers on the doors glittered in gold. A tired nurse walked by, bags under her hazel eyes.

I stepped barefooted out into a seperate hallway, must be a hallway that connects other halls together...I look back and up at the door i exited that leads to The ward Natsuos in. A sign? Hmm whats it...oh good lord..

**_WARD FOR THE MENTALLY ILL: NO ADMISSION EXCEPT FOR DOCTORS NURSES AND FAMILY._**

They put Natsuo in the crazy ward? They think he tried to kill himself didn't they? oh god this is my fault...

No wonder why Soubi covered my eyes...

No wonder that guy was screaming...

No wonder there was no pictures...

That's why...all the white...

I dropped to my knees, it i hadn't been so rough when i slept with him...he would've probably been fine or at least not as bad as this... this is a my fault...I don't deserve to live... Its all my fault...It's my fault he's blind...It's my fault he has blood infections...It's all my fault... Im such a fucking dumb ass...

Im sorry... Im so sorry...Natsuo...please forgive me...

* * *

><p>Pinstripe: Meh im not too impressed on my work with this chapter it was too rushed... and guys important stuff in the next chapter! and i promise i wont cut Natsuos arms off!<p>

Alois:way to ruin it pinny...

Pinstripe: Im sorry XC i cant do it i might as well tell them!

Alois:wuss...

0Music0O0Life0: your not a bad person lol FunkyFoxxxy-chan: I included some blind sex for you ill make them go all the way when Natsuo feels better CoffeeADDictedKitty: I know caring Youjis so cute! clueLESS: yay hugs!

Thanks for reviewing:ParanoiaMakesMeSMILE, PRIDEtheARROGANT, xxxMatryoshikaxxx, HuntedWoodsCircus, 0Music0O0Life0, FanaticPhobia-chan, FunkyFoxxxy-chan, The Colourful Syndrome, Keira-sama, CoffeeADDictedKitty, Honey Leo, ButterflyMarquiS, and clueLESS

you all get yaoi cookies!

-chu


	7. Chapter 7:I'll take care of youalways

Pinstripe:Thank you guys for all the support!and thank you ParanoiaMakesMeSMILE for makeing a pic based on this fanfic there is a link on my profile one of the first things you see

Alois:This fic is so depressing

Pinstripe:Not all Yaoi can be lollipops and rainbows Alois!

Alois:Well it is all lollipops ~snicker~

Pinstripe:shutup

XXDISCLAIMER:I DO NOT OWN LOVELESS OR ANY CHARACTERS (except any OCC character lol) XX

* * *

><p><strong>Youji's P.O.V<strong>

Tomorrow..

Is the day of the blood transfusion.

I'm the only one in the world with the same blood type as him.

Only I can save my love

My fighter

My Natsuo

_9 years ago Nagisa's lab_

_"You are both zero." The lady with green-blue hair and gloves with the red sticky stuff said as she paced in front of us. "I am Nagisa-san...Your creator,so think of me as sort of a mother." _

_She patted my head completely ignoring the other boy. "I just made you both in this lab you have no real parents, all you have is each other, for you are nothing, you are zero, you feel nothing, you a merely my experiments."_

_She threw old beat up clothes at our naked bodies, which we put on. "You are Youji...Youji suits you well..." she pointed to me. "and you are Natsuo..." She pointed to the other boy saying the second name._

_"Now as a first experiment to test your painlessness You will be locked in this room for a week no food or water."_

_The mean woman slammed the door shut._

_"Hi." The other boys voice was higher than mine. "I'm your fighter, what you command I do...I'll protect you." He looked glum as his small hand covered his eye, the red stuff dripping from underneath his hand._

_"What is this stuff?" "Blood." He simply answered. I removed his hand to see an empty hole ,of torn skin and blood for where his eye should be. He giggled a bit._

_"It's a bad idea to piss that lady off, I kicked her by accident and she gouged my eye out." Blood gushed out across his face, I ripped part of the ugly brown shirt the lady gave me and rapped it around his eye. "She shoulden't have done that." He looked me me questioningly Tilting his head _

_"You're basically my brother, You're all I have and she caused damage to you." "But silly it's my job to protect YOU I'm YOUR fighter. Not the other way around."_

_I shoved him a bit. "Natsuo, I'll always protect you."_

_"Always?" _

_"Always." _

_The red headed boy hugged me surprising me, I rested my hands on his back squeezing him back._

_The dim light above us flickered._

_Even if he's supposed to protect me I'll protect him, I will always._

* * *

><p><strong>Natsuo's P.O.V<strong>

I'm scared.

But I can't tell Youji. He'll think I'm a bad fighter. I never want that to happen, I'm surprised he hasn't abandoned me for being a bad fighter already.

My hand's shaking.

Youji is donating his blood to me right now.

So he's not even here to help my nervousness.

"Blood transfusions arn't that bad Natsuo." Ritsuka Patted my hand, it had to be his too small to be Soubi's "I had to have one as a baby and I'm fine, the only thing you should worry about is your vision therapy afterwards."

I heard footsteps, great now I'm alone, I gripped Yue. "Youji...Protect me..." I sniffled a bit.

"From?" It was Youji's voice shit!

"N-N-Nothing."

I felt his chest against my back.

"Your surgry isen't untill tomorrow why are you so scared?" He rapped his arms around my waist , nuzzling my neck.

"I-I'm not Sc-Scared..." "Oh really? Natsuo...You're shaking..." He kissed my hand gently. "It's ok to be scared Natsuo..." He stroked my hair.

I sniffled a little, "Don't cry please don't..." He feverishly kissed my neck, Licking the vein below my chin.

"I'll protect you, I'll keep you happy, I'll keep you satisfied, always..." As he said thoes sweet gentle words I turned and kissed him, tears streaming down my cheeks.

He didnt remove my lips as he wiped tears off of my face.

He licked my lips asking for entrance, I allowed him.

I dropped my little stuffed rabbit as his hand explored under my shirt.

"Nghh...Y-Y-Youji..." He gently nipped my shoulder as he caught my nipple between his fingers. "Yes my Natsuo?" "I-I'm sc-scared..." "I felt a small smirk against my shoulder blade.

"Of what Natsuo?" "The blood transfusion..." He laughed a bit before turning me and kissing me softly.

"We are zero, nothing stupid like a little blood transfusion can get the best of us..."

Youji kissed me tenderly, not forcibly , pinning me to the hospital bed.

And after that he made a mess of me all night.

* * *

><p>Pinstripe:guys i'm so sorry this was so short i sorta have writers block since i'm at a more happy location and have been more happy than usual but i didn't want to disappoint you guys since this is a angst fic.<p>

Alois:I still liked it ^^

Pinstipe:thanks Alois your helpfull for once ^^

Alois:HEY~

thanks for reviewing: ParanoiaMakesMeSMILE, Lucy, CoffeeADDictedKitty, Honey Leo, xxxMatryoshikaxxx, The Colourful Syndrome, clueLESS, Keira-sama, HuntedWoodsCircus, ButterflyMarquiS, theOneWhoCounts, theOneWhoCounts, 0Music0O0Life0, FunkyFoxxxy-chan and my best friend LgoesWhee

Honey Leo:The doctors thought It was a suicide thats why he was put in the mental ward.

-chu


End file.
